We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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