I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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