2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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