I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
