I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
