my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
