i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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she looked like the before picture.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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