sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
