The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
