Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
