i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
