your room smells of hookers.
And success
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
