I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
