I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
