Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
my poor anus
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
