you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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