How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i would punch a child for taco bell
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
