Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
