i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
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