well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
