He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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