is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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