Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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