the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
