had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
