There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
