So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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