Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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