My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
