Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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