so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
