Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
