Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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