Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You ruined the universe
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
