I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
