I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
