It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
