We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
