We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize