Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My hand turned me down
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
