please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
