He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
