Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
