But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
