my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
