conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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