This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
