True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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