if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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