no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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