I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
