I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
