I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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