Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
