Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
