i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
