Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
