At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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