Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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