tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
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