dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
