I wish I only lived at night.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
