Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
