I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
you never un-have a 4some
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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