i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
