Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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