Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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