Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
