well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
