kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
