You can't motorboat a personality
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
