A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
