beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
