Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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