perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
