She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
