Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
