Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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