Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
