I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
